Adventures in Potty Training

I let Max pee in the bushes in the Costco parking lot today. There were 20 other cars waiting for the store to open/watching. This used to embarrass me. Now, I figure it isn't a problem as long as I don't squat down and join him. At least, he didn't take a dump in the neighbors' garage and bushes (separate occasions) like Jackson.

13 Years and Alligator teeth

I have yet to train him. Or kill him. (I might have thrown a pillow at him once.) And I still quite enjoy his company. I guess it's a good thing I love him. I think I'm in for the long haul.

Jackson and the Alligator tooth caper

We found the perfect gift for Jackson: real, certified-Florida Alligator teeth. He was overcome with excitement and declared the teeth, "the best gift ever". He proceeded to show them around the neighborhood and insert them into water balloons and blow them up. Who would have thought one could have such fun with decaying teeth? A few days later, Jackson got to thinking. He had a whole bag full of these teeth and you can only insert so many into a balloon at a time... so he wondered, perhaps the Tooth Fairy might be interested in them. Perhaps, he could make a little dough on the side. This seemed a brilliant scheme to him. The tooth fairy likes teeth, right? Why wouldn't she pay some good money for the Alligator teeth? Besides, he was tired of waiting for his teeth to come out...

I thought nothing of it, until the next morning when I walked into his room and I saw his tooth fairy under his pillow with a few Alligator teeth strewn around it. Do you think his plan will work?

Random, saturday night thoughts with guilty, chocolate colored feelings.

I'm obsessed with these: :) and these: !!! I never considered myself a person for which an exclamation point or a visual cue would be necessary communication devices! :) See??? I am extremely concerned with what this says about me! Why, oh, why do I feel that I need these two? :) Perhaps my vocabulary isn't as stellar as it once was? Maybe I need to proclaim to the world that I feel happy? :) Maybe as my mother once said, (at least I think it was her...oh, that should be a post of it's own. All the things my mother used to say. Okay, sorry back to my point. :)) "You can say anything with a smile." It's true that I have precious little in the way of an edit button when it comes to the words that come out of my mouth or frankly from my typing fingers! :) This madness must stop! It must! :)

Jackson's Leapster (think educational, electronic babysitter) has been MIA for the last couple of weeks. Today he decided he was on a search and rescue mission. He would not stop until it was found! (Or at least until his attention was diverted elsewhere: lunch, more interesting toy, snack, underwear, book, ball, why does____?,---you get the idea.) Okay, okay, he was fairly diligent about looking for it. He spent about an hour tearing the toy closet apart to find it. (I spent two trying to put it back together, in case you were wondering.) Amazingly, it was found tonight underneath the couch or as I call it the black hole abyss. (I'm just glad it wasn't one of Max's curdled milk sippy cups like I found last time I looked under there. Seriously, EW!) The discovery of the Leapster affected Jackson so greatly that he took time tonight in his prayers to thank Heavenly Father: "Thank you for helping me find my Leapster. That was very nice of you." I smiled to myself at his colloquial way of speaking to God, you know, as if he were a nice uncle or the neighbor down the street. Then I realized how differently we must think of God. You see, I've prayed and prayed for something for years. I am not exaggerating, literally years and not "found" it. I'm not sure if I ever will "find" it. But Jackson made me think. Perhaps, I am approaching Him in the wrong way. I am so caught up in what I want, what I need, what my family/friends need, I am praying but not thinking of Him. I am not thinking of His all encompassing perfect love and goodness. Maybe if I was better at my end of this relationship, I would be more inclined to say, "Thank you, that was very nice of you."

Word to the wise: While trying to lose weight, do not eat milk chocolate brownies...especially 5 of them. Also, do not have fat rolls bigger than your boobs.

Sorry, about the self indulgent post Mom and Dad. I'll have Katie's Kidshine pics/video up tomorrow. Promise.

Jackson is 6!!!!

He really is 6 years old. I know the one candle in the cupcake can be confusing but I figured the spit that escapes his mouth when blowing candles out should be confined to only one cupcake.
This morning when he woke up, I gave him a big hug and started kissing him while wishing him a happy birthday. He grinned and said, "I knew you were going to do that." I guess I'm predictable. I was also lamenting that he was growing up so fast. He said, "Don't worry, Mom, I'll be a kid for a while longer." I'm glad he will be, but I know what he doesn't know yet, it will go by too fast--it already has.

I took brownies and cookies to his class today to celebrate his birthday. He was pretty excited about the whole thing. He wore a special badge on his shirt all day that says : Jedi Knight Birthday. Did I mention he slept with it? He pinned it on his Pj's last night and then transfered it to his shirt this morning. So cute.
Jackson, I love you. I'm so glad we get have you in our family. Happy Birthday!

Jackson's birthday party... Is it over yet?

I lost count of the kids after 10. It was Star Wars all the way, at least I was seeing stars by the time it was all over. I am so tired that I am not sure I am writing anything coherent right now. Is that even spelled right? It looks funny to me. Another sign that Max is getting up too early. I can't even concentrate on my spelling. The little stinker crawled out of his crib/cage at 6:00a.m. this morning promptly waking up everyone in the house. I guess that was okay because the people delivering the bounce house for Jackson's party came at 6:30 a.m. They were suppose to come between 7-11:30 a.m. It just isn't decent, you know. Well, at least the kids got some bouncing in before breakfast.
Jackson initially wanted a cake shaped like a light saber. I was looking forward to that like I look forward to someone scraping their nails down a chalk board. So after agonizing and consulting various sources on how to produce said cake-- I asked him what he thought about cupcakes. He shrugged and said, "Sure, Mom." He may have a unnatural fascination with scissors but he is an easy going boy--a great quality to have in a son.

Since I bailed on the cake, I tried to make the cupcakes a little extra special. We had green and blue cupcakes and red and purple. The kids thought they were cool and I thought they were cool 'cause I didn't have to make a light saber cake.
Max liked the frosting. He liked sticking his fingers in the already frosted cupcakes. I like straight jackets for two year olds. I think that there would be a market for that product, I really do. Okay, CPS, before you decide to come and pick me up and take my children away, I did not put him in a straight jacket but I did bribe him with this beater full of sugar, butter and saturated fat. I'm not helping my case, am I. Oh, I am rambling here. Tired. Did I mention that? What was my point with all this? I know I was going somewhere with it.... Hmm... Anyway, I think Jackson had a good time at his Star Wars party. I can't believe he is going to be 6 already. Oh, did I tell you that Ella lost her tooth 2 minutes before the party started. She was thrilled and can't wait to get some money from the tooth fairy. I hope the tooth fairy has some money. She might have to go to the bank.

My favorite highlight of the party: When Max rejoined the party after his nap with his pants around his ankles and his legs smeared with poo. It was fun. No, No, wait. It was the bloody mess in the bathroom from Ella's tooth that I had to clean in a panic before everyone came. I should have waited to clean the bathroom until two minutes before the door bell rang anyway. I should have known not to clean it 15 minutes before. Of course it would get dirty, duh.

Scripture Study

We read 2 Nephi chapter 9 tonight. There are a lot of "wo's" and warnings in this chapter. I was feeling fairly good about my righteousness as I explained repentance and the atonement to the kids. The following were the reactions I got:

Kate: (Bursts into tears and wails) What if I don't make it to the Celestial Kingdom to be with Mommy? I know there are some things that I forgot to repent for! (Sob, sob.)

Ella: (Confidently) I don't think I'll make it to the Celestial Kingdom. I'm pretty sure I'll be in that second one. (A few moments later while I am trying desperately to calm everyone down.) I try to feel bad about some things that I do.

Jackson: I always feel bad about what I do!

Me: TIME FOR BED!!!

More on Jackson

Okay, so I feel a bit guilty about doing another post on Jackson. I do love my other kids, really I do. It's just that he has been saying some pretty funny things and I can't help myself.

Jackson: Mom, when I wear my coat it feels like summer.

Jackson: (While I am combing his hair one morning) It feels like you are my servant.

Me: No, I am your Mom.

Jackson: But I feel like a King.

Me: Maybe I am doing to many things for you?

Jackson: (Impish grin and won't look me in the eye)

Jackson: Mom, I am in love with Margo. (A girl in his Kindergarten class.)

Me: WHAAAT? WHY? (This is the first time I have heard anything like this out of his mouth.)

Jackson: She is very pretty--she has CHUBBY cheeks! I think I want to marry her when I grow up. I am in love with her.

Me: (trying to salvage this train wreck) Um, maybe you mean that you like her and you are really good friends? Maybe you love her as a friend.

Jackson: No. Mom, I am IN LOVE with her. (He grins from ear to ear and cheerfully runs off to play.)

Me: (under my breath) Crap.

In Jackson's prayer last night, he mentioned he was grateful for recycling and skin.

I love this goofy, sweet, crazy kid. He certainly keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh.

The dichotomy of Motherhood.

The other night, I was laying in bed thinking about the day and I couldn't help but giggle about two moments that I had with Jackson that perfectly capture my experience with motherhood.

Scene #1: Jackson rushes in from playing outdoors. He hollers, "Mom, don't look at me!" I, of course, immediately picture him covered in mud with only his blue eye-balls peering out of the big brown glob that used to be my son. I am upstairs and so I yell back, "Why?" He answers,"Because, you don't want to look at me, Mom!" I sigh as his answer is not particularly descriptive and gear myself up for the second scenario I have imagined. What's worse than mud? Permanent Marker! I imagine his sweet little face with a villain-esque moustache or worse, a goatee like his dad! I am practically running to him by this time thinking it best to arrive on the scene and control the damage. And that's when I see him, his hands covering his forehead and tears threatening. He didn't want me to see the enormous bump on his head because he knew that I would as he put it "freak out." I tried to keep my "freak" to a minimum and quickly got him some ice. He explained that he got beaned in the head on the trampoline by the rock his friend kept in his pocket. Ouch!

Jackson wanted to spare my feelings. He intuitively knew that I would be hurt by his being hurt. His sweetness felt like an earthquake to my heart. How I love him!

(This picture was taken per Jackson's request. Apparently, once the pain wears off, it's pretty cool to have a gigantic lump on your head.)

Scene#2-(2 hours later) A white, smelly bottom with bits of dried poo stuck to it. I was alerted to the problem by his sister Ella who could not stand to be around the stench. Ostensibly, intuition does not teach you how to properly wipe your bottom. And so, I found myself a few hours after the above incident with a baby wipe in hand, demonstrating to my five year-old how it is done. All the mushy feelings I had towards Jackson earlier were hiding in the recesses of my heart, while I explained how you should keep wiping until the toilet paper comes back clean.

And there you have it folks, motherhood in all its sweetness and its poo. Like I said, "Perfect."

Jackson's missing his

first tooth!!!

Swimming

Awkward

1) Orange-peel colored wedge shoes were not made to run in, nor are they the best choice for jumping concrete half-walls when late to your brother-in-law's rock concert. Perhaps, they could even be blamed for an embarrassing, ankle-turning fall in front of angst-ridden, abundantly pierced teenagers. They could consequently be blamed for a limping escape from The Gossie Room at The Palms while scantily clad, surgically enhanced, intoxicated women watched. One might also hold them responsible for a particularly painful memory: Picture the JKHB circa 1995, a young BYU-coed on her first day of school is descending the stairs. She sees him. He is beautiful. The word fits. He is tall and has muscles in all the right places. She watches him as he effortlessly swings his backpack on his shoulder--his biceps briefly bulging. It's enough. He notices her staring. It's fate. They are star-crossed lovers, she decides as she steps down another stair. One more stair and they are married. Another stair and they have three beautiful children: Ryan Michael, Oceana, and can't decide on the third name. He will, of course, sweetly leave that up to her, she decides. He is that type of guy. Did you see those blue eyes? She misses a step. She falls. She lands at his feet, her ankle twisted and sprained. (She will not find out this bit of information until she crosses campus, catches a bus back to her apartment, makes it to her second floor apartment only to realize she forgot her keys, she will crawl across the complex to the main office to get a key, open the apartment, have a good cry, call her mom, crawl back to the office to return said key, cry more, wait for roommate to return to drive her to the health center, wait FOREVER, cry more, swear she will never day dream again , give up men, promise to become a spinster and finally receive the news that she will be unable to participate in powder puff football for six weeks.) He is nice. He asks if she is okay. She is purple with embarrassment. She mumbles yes and hobbles off as fast as she can. She never sees him again and is glad. She can't afford to sprain her other ankle...

2)

a) I may or may not sometimes put my iphone in my bra. Max, who always seems to be in search for the phone has noticed. He has taken to pulling at my shirt and looking down it and then putting his hands up in the air. shrugging his shoulders and asking where it is. However, this looking down my shirt and asking where it is motion might be interpreted in a not so flattering way. He likes to do this in public.

b) We were at Kate's soccer practice. Max had my iphone, of course. I was nicely chatting up one of the girls' fathers while Max was trying to put the phone down his shirt into his imaginary bra pocket. The Dad noticed and started laughing. He so got it. AH!!! I think maybe I should teach Max some nice swear words. So much less awkward.

3) I discovered the other day that Jackson forgot to wear underwear to school. We have spur of the moment underwear checks daily at our house now. We have about a 50/50 success rate. As Jackson says, "Why do we HAVE to wear underwear Mom?" Do they call Child Protective services if you send your child to school without his briefs??

The first day of school

I've been looking forward to this day for weeks, months and maybe even years. I've felt the tingles of delight and awe as I have anticipated the moment where the majority of my children would be in school. I've made lists. So much time, so many things I can do. The options are endless. How tidy my house will be! How gourmet my dinners will be! How fabulous I will look! How crafty I will be! How organized I will become! How my garden will grow! How my bills will be paid on time and without peanut butter smudges on them!

Oh, and I can't tell you the thrill I felt thinking about putting a toy in its proper place and it settling in and getting comfortable for at least a couple of hours. Oh, the joy! The rapture of peace! I wouldn't have to put anyone in time-out or solve any squabbles.

Well, today the day finally came. I tried not to dance, sing and twirl as I rushed the kids out the door and dropped them at their respective doors.

Why, oh, why must life always be bitter-sweet? No sooner than I walked to my car, I missed my three children. Tears pricked at my eyes and I felt melancholy. How do they grow up so fast, really how do they? I missed J's flowers and slobbery kisses, Ella's sly or shy smiles depending on her mood, Kate's sparkly eyes and eagerness to please.

And now, I am alone, blogging and all I hear is the fuzzy noise of the baby monitor. It is quiet...too quiet.

This and that...

Jackson got a hold of the clippers...again.

What Max looks like after he dumps the entire contents of the shampoo bottle into his bath toy.

The kids had a sleep-over successfully hosted by Jackson.

One morning before the clipper incident, Jackson spent a inordinate amount of time in the bathroom doing his hair. He came down the stairs singing, "Here comes your Prince Charming...." I was charmed.

Today on the way home from the eye doctors:

Kate: Mom, we need to get my eyes fixed before I get my drivers license. I want to be able to drive a car around when I go to college. I don't want to waste my money taking a taxi everywhere.

Me: Uh, okay. Let's get you through third grade first. (!)

Jackson, Jackson, Jackson!

I spend most of my time repeating what I say to Jackson. Sometimes, I have to grab his head, put my face right in front of his face, and explain what I need him to hear. It's almost torture for him, he tries to turn his head, he rolls his eyes around so he doesn't have to look me in the eye. I think he would love to exist only in his own world; where boys do not wear underwear, and peeing in the bushes at church is perfectly acceptable. In Jackson's world, he would not be required to eat his lunch in under 2 hours and there would not be any silly rules about throwing rocks in the house (What else could a wall possibly exist for? Clearly, it is for boys to see how big of a dent/hole they can make in it with rocks!) Jackson would romp around the neighborhood naked, except for maybe a band-aid, on a bloodless wound. He would never use a toilet, he would eat Popsicles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He would climb everything in sight and only brush his teeth if he was hungry. There would be sword fights, monsters, Star Wars Clones, action heroes, dinosaurs, trucks, balls, T.V., candy and NO MOTHERS spoiling all the fun.

Well, my crazy little guy went too far today. He and his best buddy were throwing rocks and shooting foam balls out of a gun at a helpless baby bird. I received this account from my two breathless girls who either couldn't wait to tell on their brother or were shocked by the cruelty of it all. I am hoping the latter. Anyway, a few lies and denials later, Jackson burst into tears and admitted that he had thrown the rocks and shot the gun. I did everything I could possibly do to make him feel horrible and I could tell he already felt bad. This is my boy who gives hugs and kisses to all the old people in the nursing home(even the ones that smell) when we go to visit. What happened to my sweet boy?

I sent him to his room. He ran up the stairs sobbing. I came up a few minutes later and stood at the door. I could hear him talking and I was curious. He was praying. He explained to Heavenly Father why he thought it looked so fun to throw rocks and shoot the gun. Then he said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. I melted. Jackson's prayer touched me deeply. You have to understand, this is the boy who refuses to hold still during a prayer, has trouble waiting until the prayer is finished to eat or say whatever his on his mind, and rarely folds his arms without being reminded. This is the boy who says the cookie cutter prayer every night inspite of constant admonitions to think before praying.

I guess he must be catching more than I think he is in that world of his. Oh, Jackson how I love your sweet, mischievous, innocent self. I am relieved that you will most likely not grow up to be a sociopath.

Oh, Jackson!!!

WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS SHOCKING MATERIAL.  BE ADVISED. :) (Now I know you'll all read it. Ha. Ha. Aren't I clever?)

Tonight at dinner Max dumped his milk out all over his tray.  Jackson responded to the disaster with an "Oh, my GOD!"  Which, quite frankly, shocked me and elicited a greater response than the proverbial "spilled milk."  I proceeded to give an in depth and quite brilliant lecture on why we do not drop the G-bomb.  I felt assured that the little stinker had taken my lesson to heart until I heard his prayer tonight.  Now I'm not quite convinced that his mind wasn't thinking of Power Rangers/Star Wars/Soccer/Why do we____(fill in the blank!) while I was expounding.  

Jackson: "Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all my blessings.  Sorry I called you God tonight..."

Me: Sigh

Marathon Blog--Part 7--Ward Talent Show

Kate played "Book of Mormon stories" on the piano.  She did a great job.  Jackson sang "Take me out to the ball game"  with his baseball team.  Ella opted out of stage performance this year and displayed a picture she had drawn.  It was all fun until Max fell down and got a huge goose egg above his eye and a bloody nose.  Good times.  

Marathon Blog--Part 3--Happy Birthday, J.

Go ahead, laugh.  The cake was suppose to be a Dinosaur.  Jackson liked it.  I wanted to thank Clint and Cindy for the handcuffs.  Just wait until your kids have a birthday!  And thanks to Dan for bringing twenty of his closest friends--it made Jackson's birthday very memorable.  :)

Jackson-isms & Ella-isms

Sprite aka spicy water to Jackson.

Jackson: (Out of the blue, off topic)  Hey, Mom! Mom! Mom!

Me: (exasperated) What Jackson?

Jackson:  Did you know you are getting old?

Me: (Sigh) Yes, Jackson, I know.  

Ella: (Talking about a friend she met at soccer practice) Mom, were you sitting by her adult?

Jackson and the Bullion...

(Jackson showing that he is tough even with a cast.  Pose was his idea.)

Well, so much for a mini-vacation.  If it makes anybody feel better, Max stepped all over my pedicure and Hubby got the stomach flu on our only night away.  I did find some good deals shopping which almost made up for the smell in our hotel room.  Well, not really.   Anyway, mi madre reminded me that I have not posted pics of Jackson's cast.  I have noticed my posts have been a bit "inward"  (nice word for narcissistic) lately.   So I'm going to devote the rest of whatever comes out of my brain to   my crazy, little-man Jackson.

Okay, so Jackson broke his foot.  NO,  I did not lose my temper and abuse him.  Although that might be more believable than the truth: he was jumping off my dresser with his buddy onto my carpeted floor.  I know, weird.  He must of landed on his foot funny because it is fractured in two places.  He says he won't jump off my dresser anymore but a couple days after he got his cast, I found him sitting on our back wall--at least, five feet off the ground and a lot higher than my dresser, may I add. (!)  He came in a couple of days ago from playing outside with his friends and told me he had a surprise for me.  The surprise was that he could ride his bike with his cast.  Oh, joy.  Needless to say, the cast has not slowed him down or made him more cautious.  I've decided to set up a special savings account in his name and put money towards it every month to pay for all his broken limbs or to buy an ankle bracelet like the convicts wear. Or maybe one of those big balls with the chains--hmm, I'm liking that idea.   Did I mention his little escapade cost me $346?   

We went to the pony farm today.  For a couple of days now, Jackson has been warning me that we would see a bullion (pronounced like the cube, rhymes with trillion).  When I explained I had never heard of such and animal he proceeded to tell me that was because it bites grown-ups but not little kids.  He told me that I should wait at the gate to avoid getting bitten.  He was very concerned about this bullion biting me.  He mentioned it to me several times. I am relieved to tell you that the dreaded bullion never made an appearance and I survived the experience bite-free.  Although, I did get some manure on me and my white (what was I thinking?) sweater.  Thanks Max.   

Since I am just a recreational blogger, I am not embarrassed to admit that I have no idea what I am doing.  I would love to be able to make my pictures go where I want them.  Anyone?

Funny Kids

Kate after opening a new shirt from Mom and Dad on Christmas morning:

Me:  Do you like it?

Kate (clearly uncomfortable):  Uh, I could wear it on Saturdays.  It would be a good Saturday shirt.

Me: You don't like it, huh?

Kate:  Uh, no. Sorry, Mom.

Kate, Ella and I planned all day to have a pedicure night.  Jackson was fairly excited to participate and I couldn't figure out why, until he arrived in the bathroom and exclaimed, "Where are the pets!?"