Ella

Yesterday, I took Ella down to Sunrise Hospital to see her pediatric cardiologist. It was a check-up to make sure there wasn't any heart damage from her infamous bout with Rheumatic fever. She is fine much to my relief and hers. She wasn't worried about heart problems though, she was more concerned about getting "poked with a needle." Walking out of the Dr.'s office, with her hand in mine and the good news in my heart, I felt profoundly grateful for her little self. Sunrise Hospital is where I spent the worse week of my life. I was pregnant with Ella and the sickest I've ever been. Ella was not doing well. In fact, the neonatologist told me that I needed to have an emergency c-section one night or my baby wouldn't survive. (He was a charmer.) That news was absolutely devastating to me.

Kate's birth 16 months earlier had been difficult and filled with medical problems for both of us. Kate was not a happy baby. She was colicky and I was convinced she was always in pain. She was constantly sick and miserable. I don't know if I can fully explain how this made me feel. I felt guilt over her birth. Guilt that I couldn't breast feed her and that combined with a gigantic lack of sleep made my feelings overwhelming and haunting. I knew that I did not want to do that again. I wanted so much to give this new baby (Ella) a good start in life.

I prayed and prayed for her and for me. I thought about the blessing Robert had given me before he had left for NYC. I was able to decision influenced by the Lord it gave me strength to tell the Doctor that I was not having my baby that night. He told me all sorts of horrible things. It was weird because I heard the words but they had no affect on my feelings. It was if I was wrapped a couple of times in bubble wrap and protected from his words. I knew the decision I made was the right one.

And walking out of that building with Ella, hand in hand, discussing the type of treat she was entitled to after her "ordeal"--All those feelings came together for me again and I wanted to drop to my knees right there and thank the Lord for the blessing of my Ella.

And on a completely random, tone changing side note, here are a couple of things Ella has said lately:

Me: You kids stop your fighting. In fact, I don't want you to even talk right now. Your driving me crazy. (I was trying to get us packed and out of our hotel room)

Ella: But Mom, I am trying to work this out in a good way.

I listened for a minute, and she was! I stand rebuked.

She was funny at the baptism meeting the other night. They were talking about forgiveness and the answer to the question she was asked was clearly "forgive". Instead of giving the typical, memorized answer, she thought about it for a while (an uncomfortable while, I was sure I was going to have to whisper the answer in her ear and all the parents would think that I do not teach my children anything!) and replied to the scenario given that she would explain how she felt to this person, ask them not to do it again and then try to forgive them. She is so funny.

I love you Ella-beans!