Today Robert and I had our "discussion" about how he needs a new car. This always makes me a little crazy. He does need a new car. His lease is up on his hot, little two-door Audi. The Audi and I are not friends. We have never been on good terms. It's fast, yes but practical for a family of six--NO WAY. Robert's brain was addled by its sleekness and beauty and so I have had to share a garage with it for a few years. In my bitterness, I have felt for sometime that I should casually mention over and over again to Robert that this new car he purchases will be the FOURTH car he's had since I bought my humble mini-van. Yep, numero quatro. I'm just going to say it: My mini-van looks like death ran over it and then spilled chocolate milk, root-beer and apple juice all over the inside. Death also dumped out a Costco sized bag of Goldfish and then had a party and invited 8 of his closest friends with muddy shoes to stomp those fishes to smithereens. Also, Death might have hit a fire-hydrant while attending church and side-swiped another car. He might have also found a few miscreants throwing large rocks at it as the sight of the mini-van offended them. In short, I am ready for a new car. Sadly, Robert is not ready to participate with cash funds in that venture.
Anyway, we were on our way home from pizza night driving up Sahara, the haven of all things car, and Robert saw a car he was interested in. The dealership was closed so we parked the car and he got out to go and look. The conversation between the kids and I went like this:
Kate: What's Dad doing?
Me: He's going to steal a car.
Ella: (Indignantly) MMMMOOOOOMMM! Seriously. What's he doing?
Me: He's stealing a car. You know, sometimes Dad makes choices that I don't agree with. I tried to talk him out of it but he wants to do it. So when the police come, don't say anything.
Ella: Mom, are you joking?
Kate: (worried) Mom, what are we going to do?
Me: I don't know. I really wish your Dad would stop. I've really tried to talk him out of it. Maybe he won't get caught and we'll have a nice, new car. Maybe.
Kate starts to cry.
Me: I'm just kidding!!! Did you really think Dad would steal a car?
I think they did! We all had a good laugh and I was assured that my persuasive skills were still intact. Because if I don't convince Robert soon, I may really have to go and steal a car. :)
3 comments:
Hey, really, in the grand scheme of things, is stealing a car so wrong? I mean, Robert could be the Unibomber, or he could wear fanny-packs, or he could have an Obama '08 sticker on his soon-to-be-gone Audi. Let's keep it in perspective, people.
I shared this with Go, as he just bought himself a very unpractical but pretty Audi (in his defense, he had had the same car since 1999...) He had several good chuckles and said "That was good writing." Hmmm...not the answer I was looking for (I was looking for "She's right! She SHOULD get a new car!", in hopes that this would be a reflection of our current situation, as I have a family of mice living our PIlot...I'm not joking. Did you catch that? I AM NOT JOKING ABOUT A FAMILY OF MICE LIVING IN OUR CAR.) but I totally agree with him--good writing.
Go steal one for yourself. And while you're at it, get one for me, too.
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